


Civil War

by sharedwithyou



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angstangstangst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Dark reader, F/M, FEELSFEELSFEELS, Feels, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Mindfuck, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Reader-Insert, Sorry Not Sorry, Spoilers, Triggers, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING: Mild (but still there) Spoilers for Captain America: Civil war. Also, possible triggers for extreme sadness/angst. Also dark reader. So don't come crying to mama if you're mean to Stevie.<br/>MILD SPOILERS. SCROLL ON IF NOT READY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The hideous laugh lifted you like wings of a fallen angel as you rounded the corner with a burst.</p>
<p>He turned, his eyes widening, as your soles pounded the dirty, dirty floor towards him.</p>
<p>His legs were longer, stronger, but it was too late as the speakers clicked off with a buzz and you opened your mouth with a twisted smile.</p>
<p>“Tough luck, James.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gruzavój vagón.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'M NOT SORRY!!!!!!
> 
> WARNING: MILD SPOILERS FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA:CIVIL WAR. ALSO POSSIBLE TRIGGERS FROM ANGST/SADNESS  
> CHANGE CHANNELS IF NOT READY!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> i love writing dark reader. or crazy reader. if you don't, also change the channel. don't come crying to mama because lovely was mean to stevie ;)
> 
> ~~~ indicates flashback, except one instance where i don't put it but it is a flashback, but you'll understand why
> 
> ANGSTANGSTANGSTFEELSFEELSFEELS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
> 
> and puhlease for the love of Tony, leave me a comment if you liked!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky (the crazy one)

 

 

“Run, run, run. As fast as you can.”

The taunt echoed through the halls as your bare feet splashed across the ground.

“You can’t catch me.”

The sing-song voice bounced across the walls like the flickering, dull lamps.

Your lungs ached as you pushed forward, sprinting like your life depended on it.

“I’m the gingerbread man!”

The hideous laugh lifted you like wings of a fallen angel as you rounded the corner with a burst.

He turned, his eyes widening, as your soles pounded the dirty, dirty floor towards him.

His legs were longer, stronger, but it was too late as the speakers clicked off with a buzz and you opened your mouth with a twisted smile.

“Tough luck, James.”

 

“Gruzavój vagón.”

 

“Tell him to ask me why I never tried to escape.”

You wished he was still in that pretty glass cell, but Zemo had to be boring and turn on Soldier mode. Weakling.

“Do it, or I’ll snap your neck in half.”

The widower merely shook his head at your theatrics, and motioned for the handsome brunette to obey.

“Why?”

“What what? Be specific, James.”

“Why did you never try to escape?” The words were monotonous, so you could only hope that they were messing with him deep down.

“Because.” You folded your fingertips into a pyramid for effect, while Helmut checked his watch. Two minutes to savor this minor victory, and you’d have to be out of here.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with the inside, when there’s nothing left for you out there.”

 

“You remember the agreement, (y/n). You help me get him out, you get your little revenge fantasy.”

“I remember.”

“And he’s not technically out, yet.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” You took one last look in the half-robot’s eyes for a hint of defiance, fury, but there was none.

Apparently this Steve Rogers wasn’t as special as they thought.

Because he looked just as empty as you.

 

“Who are you?”

You looked across the dirty warehouse at Arian Soldier and his dark-skinned ‘sidekick.’

Hydra had permeated the world whether they saw it or not.

“I admit, this is a setback.” You replied, as you tried to untangle your rat’s nest of a ponytail. Since you had no bionic arm, you got the luxury of a bomb collar instead. Of course, they waved some sort of beeper at you as soon as you moved. You eyed the black one with distaste as you removed your hands from your neck slowly. “I understand how the contraption works. I try to remove it, you blow my head off. Of course, you could’ve not trapped half my hair in the lock.”

“How long was I out?”

The attention was taken off you as the trio had their happy little reunion. You twisted your neck slowly, trying to at least mitigate the feeling of your locks being torn out of your scalp. You should’ve shaved it off long ago. Of course, seduction missions were easier when you weren’t bald. And wigs weren’t exactly ideal for high velocity winds.

And of course there was always vanity.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It looks good like this. Long.”

He turned away, and you reached your hands away from the bars to give him some space.

He may be brainwashed, but he was still sulking.

“I’m surprised they let me keep mine; seems like it would get in the way during combat, no?”

He didn’t look at you, but you took his slight nod as encouragement.

“Let me touch it?”

He stared into thin air, unfeeling, as you stuck your hands into his cell once more to touch his stringy, clumpy hair. They should really try to keep up your hygiene. Just because you were war machines, didn’t mean you wouldn’t stink.

“Do you know why they always send me after you?”

He shook his head.

“You’ve never wondered, after all this time?”

“Soldiers don’t wonder.”

“I guess that means I’m not a very good one.” You flopped down on your cot with an exaggerated sigh. “Of course, they didn’t stick my brain in a blender. I’d ask if you wanted to know why, but we both know the answer. You don’t but I’m going to tell you anyway.”

He stayed motionless, like a frozen sculpture of some ancient hero. Minus the look of superiority.

“Maybe they fuck with your heads to make you compliant. But I think they do it to make you all broken.”

You waited for a response because sometimes you still felt human. And you sometimes forgot that you were in a factory, that churned out only robots.

“Me? I was already broken. So I obey. Because I have no reason not to.”

“I see.” Perhaps a little sanity had slipped through the cracks; else he was programmed to acknowledge information beyond orders.

“They took away the only thing I had worth living for.” You let out a fake sob, feeling your blood chill at your own antics. “My dear, dear brother.”

“I’m sorry.”

You turned to peer at him incredulously, but he was still in the same solid position as before. Somehow, still, their hold was weakening on him.

“No you’re not.” You meant the words to come out cold, but they were hot, livid. Down the hall, a guard at attention perked up.

“If you were, you’d stop running.” This came out in a harsh whisper, as you kept a lookout for disciplinarians.

“I’ll never stop.” The words were perfectly spoken, as a robot would; but their meaning was not lost on you. If anyone was coming out alive from this, it was him. Somehow, that thought brought both a rush of anger and a glimmer of hope.

“Then I’ll never stop running after you.” You reached past his hair to rest your hand on his shoulder; and it was like he knew.

And that he felt the same betrayal and affection for you.

He scooted slowly and deliberately closer to the wall that divided the two of you.

“God, you look just like him.” Barely a whisper, so that you wouldn’t have to go to electro-shock again.

“Tell me, James. Does long hair suit me too?”

In a voice so low you weren’t sure if you had just imagined it, he replied.

“It does.

And it’s Bucky.”

Then you pulled his head back so you could press your lips against him, the bars pressing against your cheeks, until he bashed his head into yours and knocked you unconscious.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You know her, Bucks?”

“Yeah. She was one of them.” He looked at Blondie, then Brownie, then anywhere but you.

“Us. She was one of us.” You corrected.

“Don’t put him in the same category as you.”

“Hold on, Sam.” Captain Red White and Blue put a hand on his buddy’s shoulder to save you from a possible tongue lashing. “We don’t know anything about her yet.”

“No, he’s pretty much right.” ‘Bucks’ spoke up again. “(Y/n) is something else entirely.”

“Is she triggered right now?”

He let out a bitter chuckle. “She never needed one.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“And a one, two, kick!”

“Number 5.” The voice came over the loudspeaker, final warning. You clamped your mouth shut and continued your exercises in muted silence.

As you did, you thought about the hottie in Cell D. Evidently, being broken did not affect the most primal of your desires. The mere thought turned your stomach, and you landed a flip slightly off. “Shit!”

You looked around quickly, but the guards made no movement to take you for punishment, so you continued punching the air, biting your tongue as hard as you could.

Think of Daniel, think of Daniel.

Once more, your nerves turned to steel and your movements became precise, second nature.

You were not disappointed when the speaker clicked on once more. “Proceed to spar.”

Ticket to pound town, check.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“And I have you to thank for that, James.”

You didn’t expect him to look you straight in the eyes after this, but he did.

“I know.”

You barked out a laugh. “Do you even remember, Barnes?”

And you watched the blood drip from Daniel’s face as his eyes faded, begging you to hold on, to live on when he couldn’t.

To fight the man with the metal arm, to keep fighting, to never stop no matter how much your feet ached or your heart hurt.

You looked into those black beady eyes now, to find the sorrow, the regret that you always waited to surface.

And your heart writhed, in this moment of agony, like the wings of a butterfly rubbing against one another, you could hear the hearts of the both of you beat as one.

And it wasn’t enough.

 

“I remember everything.”

 

And you were tearing at the collar, as the Falcon called out to you in warning, and Steve Rogers asked if there was any way you could be tried as mentally incompetent, and the Winter Soldier shook his head, like that one smooth movement long ago that made you reach through the bars to touch the man who had murdered your only family.

Only this time it wasn’t a yes;

It was a no.

 

“Tell Stark I feel for him.”

 

When the smoke cleared, and the trigger lay where you had once stood, where James Buchanan Barnes had knocked it out of Samuel Wilson’s hands, the ringing from the explosion echoed with one word.

 

“Zhelaniye.”

 

Still, he felt a ghost of something on his lips and the whisper not even a Super Soldier could be sure of.

Thank you, Bucky.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOOHOOOHOOOO  
> WAHHHHHHH
> 
> give me some love if you enjoyed
> 
> random ramblings:  
> BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CRYYYYYYY
> 
> quick poll 1: forgive bucky/sequel?  
> i feel like bucky has an easy excuse for being forgiven since he was brainwashed, while lovely did what she did because she was batshit insane. admittedly from watching bucky kill her brother.  
> i feel like this fic is so good on it's own though so i don't know.  
> but i would love to see bucky and lovely get together, in a sort of love-hate psychotic and kind of hot relationship
> 
> quick poll 2: WHICH PART MOST FEELS  
> that wasn't even a complete sentence  
> mine is when bucky bashes his head against reader to knock her out.  
> no he didn't do it because he was fed up and evil. he did it so she wouldn't get in trouble. like if they were acting out and fighting that would be fine, but falling in love was a no no.
> 
> by the way the list and romanization of trigger words i found online are by aerithmonkishu. the first one is freight car. the last one is longing.
> 
> in the beginning you're chasing bucky down a hall as he tries to run away because it's fun. because you're crazy. and terribly angry at him. we assume all the other words have been said already and you've saved the last to say to him in person.  
> i try to make it sound like you're the one running away, and then at the last second it turns out you're the villain.  
> i could see this happening as some twisted hydra exercise. so yeah.  
> also let's assume you never get around to telling bucky that he killed your brother until the very end of the fic. because drama.
> 
> quick poll 3: could you tell bucky had feelings for you? and if so, how?  
> i tried to make the sexual tension PALPABLE, and also to have him slightly conscious and not completely brainwashed. hence more feels + angst
> 
> as usual i had to throw in a little humor to make it hurt more, so there's the pound town reference. i always thought of it more as fighting and not having sex. but hey to each their own. you work hard so you get to spar the guy you love to hate. i thought about putting in a fight scene where he basically has you pinned but you keep punching and hurting yourself, but i couldn't fit it in quite right. i think it's fairly obvious that you're crazy about him for better or worse, already.
> 
> i kind of left it open whether or not lovely got killed by the blast or not.  
> and also whether she wanted to die or not.  
> "and the trigger lay where you had once stood, where James Buchanan Barnes had knocked it out of Samuel Wilson’s hands"- like either the trigger is on her remains, or she escaped and it's on her empty spot.  
> also let's pretend sam was in bucky's arm's reach so he could knock it away.  
> point was, it still triggered the explosion when it hit the ground.  
> now was lovely able to pull it off in time, or not
> 
> THIS HURT TO WRITE BUT IT WAS WORTH IT OMIGOD IT IS SUCH A GOOD STORY.  
> i just love dark/hurt/psycho reader. it's like my niche. a little like harley quinn but more unique.
> 
> leave a comment my lovelies!!! you keep me going!!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky


	2. The Highly Requested Sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our adventures into psychological warfare and the art of breaking hearts continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was super hesitant to post a sequel because the one-shot was so incredibly heart-breaking  
> and also i didn't want a second chapter to dilute the impact of the first
> 
> in the end, i really put my heart and soul into this one as well (as i do with all my fics) and i can only hope that it merely adds to the collection of art and feels
> 
> warning: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR CIVIL WAR AGAIN. also extreme angst/possible psychological triggers/trauma  
> NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
> 
> so leave me a comment if you like, lovelies!!!
> 
> XOXO  
> Bucky the you-know-who

“Wake up, Daniel!”

You shook your brother’s form firmly against the cold, harsh wind.

“Stop fucking around, it’s not funny!” You patted his cheeks lightly, as if he were a little boy once more playing dead.

The Winter Soldier stood before you, in stark silence.

“I mean it!” You shrieked, wiping away the blood on his forehead like it was just sweat.

The two handsome men within your arms’ reach were equal in motionlessness.

 

Your voice lost its panic, its dread; it’s ‘life-full’ quality.

 

Soft, sweet, and almost childish, you whispered. “Goodbye, love.”

 

When you stood up, your eyes were glazed over and you spoke monotonously.

“Mission orders?”

 

 

 

“So that’s when she went bat-shit insane?”

“Shut up Tony.”

Nat the Cat twiddled the phone Steve had left between her fingers, wondering if this was worth a call.

“Don’t even think about it Romanov.”

“What, your ego needs some more beating?”

“I think we both know that’s a can of worms that neither of us is ready to open.”

“Fine.”

She got up and stretched her limbs, cat-like, before walking out. “You can keep an eye on her, she’s not going anywhere.”

“And she’s pretty easy on the eyes too.”

“Oh go fuck yourself already.”

 

“We could’ve used you on the battlefield, you know.”

You laid down on the ground, akimbo, ignoring him.

“You might be in a less padded cell if you had helped.”

You hummed quietly, looking at the ceiling as if it was a sea of clouds.

“Damn, they must’ve worked you over more than twice.”

“One you know, you can never un-know.”

“What was that, cuckoo?” He was talking to a maniac, after all.

“You can’t ever forget once you see it with your own eyes.” You punctuated the words by sitting straight up, and giving him a solemn frown.

“Whatever you say, Hannibal.”

“I don’t eat my projects.”

“Oh, is that what you call them.”

“Mission sounds too serious. And boring.” You blew the hair out of your eyes. “Even hell can use a little mischief.”

 

 

“Always go for the family jewels!” You called, before attempting a swinging kick to the nether regions.

“Too easy,” the other one muttered, grabbing you by the ankle and slamming you into the ground with a solid crack.

“Number 5.” The ever-present loudspeaker God spoke, and you got a cattle prod to the ribs. Again.

“Never try to take a shortcut.” One of the guards barked. “Clean, straightforward, precise.”

“Repeat.”

You pulled the shedding skin off your arm with a snap, watching a man in the corner shudder. Then you stepped into ready stance once more.

This time your jabs were crisp, your steps light.

“Good.” Loudspeaker Almighty spoke. “Now finish.”

The other one came with a barrage of fists, pelting you with blows that you were barely able to block.

Between the hits, this time, you were able to strike him on two pressure points across his torso, forcing him to slow for a moment.

At the precise millisecond, and with a wicked smile, you sent a swift, perfect kick crashing into his balls.

It was worth the searing mark that left the skin on your neck smoking.

And this time there was only silence.

 

 

“You know with a haircut and some serious makeup, you wouldn’t look half-bad.”

“They never mentioned you were homosexual,” you observed.

“I’m just wondering if you’re worth a conjugal.” Dark, but you gave him an appreciative smile.

“That would be a first.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows in mild interest. “You’d think HYDRA would be all for superior breeding.”

“Sexual intercourse leads to emotional attachment.”

“Not when I have anything to do with it.”

You laid back down with a smirk. “Perhaps you’ll have to teach me sometime, then.”

“Like you’d be that lucky.”

“I’d think in light of recent events, both of us could use a little. Of that luck, anyway.”

You did a quick somersault back as that Iron Fist nearly shattered the wall between the two of you.

It’s true I guess. One hand isn’t as strong as a whole arm.

 

“What do you think they’re going to do with her?”

“I’d say that’s the least of your concerns, Buck.”

He sat wearily on the table, an empty space where his other half used to be.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is, Steve.”

“She made those decisions by herself. Of her own free will.”

“I doubt either of us can speak definitively about ‘free will’.”

“I stand by my choice, Bucky.”

“I meant (y/n) and I.”

With no words left, Steve simply lowered his best friend into yet another cell. “It will turn out okay, bud.”

Bucky let out a dry laugh.

“I think we all deserve a little better than okay.”

 

 

“For the love of God, Tony-“

“Don’t want to hear it.” He was already suiting up when Nat the Cat walked into the mess of shards where the containment center used to be.

“Then I’m assuming you take full resp-“

“Yes yes, mea culpa, blah blah blah, now hand me that gauntlet.”

“You’re gonna have a lot more than her to deal with if she’s heading where I think she is.”

“One step at a time, babe.”

She scoffed, considering going with him. But her help hadn’t helped anyone lately.

“Just try not to fuck this up more than you already have.”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

“You’re surrounded, (y/n). Put the weapons down.”

You waved a gun in the direction of Captain USA’s voice, earning yourself three more threats from a sea of vigilantes. Really, though, you meant it more as a hush up. Or go away.

“He’s safe. You can’t do anything to him anymore.”

“Why hello, (y/n). I’m glad you didn’t get splattered when my sidekick got trigger happy.” You mocked in a singsong voice.

“And you have Bucky to thank for that, so I refer to my original statement; put the weapons down.”

“Let her speak.”

Another black one spoke up, this one an actual African. His presence seemed almost regal; the Black Puma maybe?

“State your business.”

“Just visiting, I guess,” you offered cheekily.

“Your time is limited, woman, so I’d choose my answers wisely.”

“My apologies, Your Highness.” You meant it derisively, but the appraisal on his face gave you more than enough information. “I’m here to pay homage to an old friend.”

“Old friend my ass.” The faux-African who almost blew you up decided to pipe up.

“I suppose one last farewell wouldn’t hurt anyone.” There was the ruling.

“Are you kidding, man?! This chick’s insane!”

“Then I suggest, Falcon, that if anything goes wrong this time, you don’t miss.”

 

You stared expressionlessly at the incubator before you.

The silence haunted you like it did so long ago.

Like a goddamn cliché, everything was so different, and yet somehow had stayed the same.

“Why’d you put him in a coffin?” You finally spoke harshly.

“It’s a cryogenic chamber. Like before.”

 

You lapsed once more, staring at the face that had once destroyed you; and somehow kept you whole.

You had needed someone to blame, someone to hate; someone to drive you to keep going after you had lost everything.

Funny how he became the one you needed most.

 

Your eyes travelled down his body, as your breath hitched and you cried out.

“Where’s his arm?!”

The collective heads motioned to the table nearby.

 

In a flash, you had it before you, and started using it as a battering ram.

 

“(Y/n)!” Blond haired blue eyed boy warned loudly, but you didn’t stop.

“Put it back. Put it back!!” You screeched as you pounded on the jail ‘your only’ was trapped in, without the strength that he had possessed.

“Stop.” Black Lion commanded, and you wished to God, even Loudspeaker God, that you had the strength to keep pushing.

 

But you didn’t.

 

You let the hand that had crushed your leg, that had struck you until you passed out, that ripped your life away, and at the last moment, had saved it;

Fall to the ground.

 

“PUT IT BACK!!”

 

Then once more, in a hoarse whisper:

“Give him back.”

 

And you didn’t know if you were talking to James Barnes or to Hydra or to the Avengers or to the World;

Or if you were talking about Daniel or Bucky.

 

All you knew was that once again, you had lost. Your everything.

 

In the same voice that you had used the years before, you said the same words, to the man who had started it all.

Because it was finished.

 

“Goodbye, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
> 
> LEAVE SOME LOVE BELOW, YOU KNOW I NEED IT!
> 
> RANDOM RAMBLINGS:  
> MY HEARTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
> 
> poll 1: WHICH PART KILLED YOU  
> mine is probably when lovely tries to give Bucky his arm back  
> originally i was going to have her actually try to press put it back on, but that would involve opening the chamber up and there would be more logistics than i was able to cover
> 
> poll 2: which part made you cry? and also, SHARE YOUR FEELSSSS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE POLLS BECAUSE MY HEART HURTS  
> i put quotes around 'your only' so you wouldn't think i forgot to put something like your only man, your only hope, etc.  
> because in the end it can't really be encompassed; your only love? your only hate? all you know for sure is that he was all you had left
> 
> give me some love if you liked!! or well, if you liked how it tore you apart. one or the other.
> 
> XOXO Bucky the Angstmaster/Mindfucker/Lovely


End file.
